Understanding how a narcissist thinks could be the most crucial step towards recovery!
That’s why we’ve compiled these shocking narcissistic secrets that will help you to heal and flourish!
- A narcissist wants you to feel unsafe.
The narcissist wants you to feel unstable and unsafe. This means emotionally unsafe and sometimes physically and sexually unsafe as well. This gives the narcissist more control over your happiness and makes them feel powerful and vital.
Solution:
Make sure you have a close network of friends and family you can turn to in a moment of need. And build a life that doesn’t involve them so that you always have an outlet or escape should you need it!
2. A Narcasits is scared of not being in control.
The narcissist fears losing control. When they feel they are losing control, they will find ways to punish you in the hope that you will give up any sense of control that you have. They will test your boundaries and act like a spoilt child, you will get blamed for being a bad person, and they might even call you a narcissist?!
Solution:
Have a clear set of boundaries and let them know what these are. Set up deal breakers, and be willing to take action. So if they cross the line, you can walk away.
3. Any adverse reaction they get from you is a win.
Narcissists thrive on your energy. Like a small child getting attention by any means necessary is how they fuel their satisfaction. They know exactly what buttons to press and will say things to manipulate you into acting out of character. They want you to get angry or upset. Please don’t give them the satisfaction.
Solution:
We often tell clients to use very few words – don’t bother getting into a debate or try to explain your point of view! You will only get sucked further into their narrative, which is what they want. Act as if you would if a five year was being nasty to you and do your best to ignore them without being ugly back!
3. They want you to feel sorry for them
They will want you to feel sorry for them as this gives them a get-out clause when they hurt you and you say you’ve had enough and try to leave.
They will use your pity and forgiveness as the next weapon in their arsenal to make you stay. They most likely chose you because of your good nature.
Solution:
Be aware that they chose to act in a way that hurt you. How do they behave when they are with other people who are less controllable or in public? How do they behave in their presence? Do they wait until you are alone to abuse?
4. Narcissists are weak and vulnerable
On the outside, they have it all, or at least that is what they want you to believe. Under the mask, they are unhappy, fragile, unfulfilled, hollow, and empty. If you aren’t falling for their charm and manipulation, they will get upset and likely take it out on you.
Solution :
Let them live this fantasy in their heads. As long as it’s not affecting you, let them be.
5. Narcissists only play games they can win
One of their biggest fears is being a loser; they will do anything to win. This means cheating, manipulating and lying. It also means inventing the game. This is why so many CEOs are narcissistic; they can change the rules as they go along.
Solution:
If you can find a way to play your own game, do it! Whether that is an actual board game, play it with friends who don’t mind losing or at your job, find a team of workmates who have your back and aren’t afraid to work together.
6. Narcissists don’t have integrity when it comes to others.
They might promise you the world and say sorry, but they won’t mean it. Apologising is often the last resort to get you to comply. Or the apology might end in blame!
It might sound like, “I’m sorry that I hurt you, but if you didn’t do x, I wouldn’t have hurt you.
Solution: Take everything they say with a pinch of salt. Apologies aren’t of any use to you! So don’t bother asking for one instead. Use the hurt to remind you why you have set boundaries in the first place and use the opportunity to enforce that boundary from now on.
7 . They know you deserve better.
Your narcissist wants you to feel small, unlovable, weak, and powerless. This is how they control you. By removing your value, they hope you will become dependent on them. They know that you are a great person with lots going for you, hence why they chose you in the first place and continue using you.
Solution:
Work on your self-worth, treat yourself as your best friend, and give yourself all the love and support you need to regain your power!!
If you would like to chat about how we can help you break free from narcissistic abuse, book your FREE Clarity Call. Just follow the link below.
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